If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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