i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
