That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
