yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
