For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
