What a fucking waste of an outfit
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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