We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
