Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
