im drinking this country out of the recession.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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