I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize