'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
