Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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