Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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