so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
