You're so nebulous sometimes
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
