So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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