guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
