I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Randomize
