why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
