My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
