but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
