and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
