Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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