oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Bring me that man meat
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
