Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize