Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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