Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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