Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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