i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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