we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
