if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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