addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
