Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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