Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
