I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
