I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
