Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
