Cold hands, warm shart.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
