it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
