You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize