Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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