Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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