Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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