1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
