based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
