Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
