i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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