Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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