it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
