She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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