party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
