My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
PANTIES FOUND
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