just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
