He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
