Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
