ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
