i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
