the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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