Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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