I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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