I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
