Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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