If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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