I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
