Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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