hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
