fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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