I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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