I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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